Welcome to the Empowered Solutions Counselling Blog.
Empowering individuals in all areas of their life.
The quality of our lives is based partly upon the quality of the questions we ask ourselves daily. If you are not inspired about your life or if you are not living the life you truly dream of, it may depend on the type of questions you are asking yourself.
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Supporting Children with ADHD
When helping children with ADHD, it's important to create a structured routine that they follow closely. This can help them stay on track with their work and reduce anxiety, as they know what to expect. This can be done in the classroom, at home, and in pretty much any aspect of life. Another way to assist in a child's learning is to break tasks into smaller more manageable pieces, instead of presenting the whole thing at once. This allows the child to process the task faster and reduce the chance of getting overwhelmed. This feeds into the strategy of providing the child with positive reinforcement as it can also reduce the possibility of a negative reaction occurring. Positive reinforcement allows for growth in a more efficient way. The most effective way to support a child with ADHD is for parents to understand how to best meet their child's unique needs. This is why working with a Kelowna child therapist can be incredibly valuable.
Men Stepping Into Therapy
If you were told to picture a person who exhibits masculine traits, who would you think of? Most people immediately picture the “manliest man” they can come up with, which includes someone that is muscular, tall, and strong. Strength, both physical and emotional, is often emphasized as an essential aspect of masculinity. To a lot of men, being strong doesn't just include having large muscles, but also suppressing their emotions to avoid appearing vulnerable.
Depression in today’s world
In today's society, one in every eight Canadians will suffer from depression at some point in their lives. Unfortunately, many of these Canadians are undiagnosed and live with symptoms that significantly impact their quality of life. If you suspect you might be suffering from depression or have questions about your mental health, seeking professional help is a crucial step.
The Lasting Effects of Emotionally Immature Parents
Children tend to idolize their parents at a young age. To most kids, their parents can do no wrong until around early adolescence when they realize they have flaws. Unfortunately, we are not all given the gift of amazing parents and some kids learn not only do their parents have flaws, but are also emotionally immature. The American Psychological Association defines emotional immaturity as “a tendency to express emotions without restraint or disproportionately to the situation.” Having emotionally immature parents leads to the child taking on an adult role at a very young age. The role they take on can vary widely depending on the type of parent. An illustrative quote from the book, Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson goes as follows: "With a mature parent, the child's remedy for loneliness is simply to go to the parent for affectionate connection. But if your parent was scared of deep feelings, you might have been left with an uneasy sense of shame for needing comforting." (Gibson, 8) This quote depicts emotional neglect which can negatively impact kids by leading to anxiety, depression and a whole host of other issues that often linger into adulthood.
What is Somatic Experiencing?
Somatic Experiencing (SE™) aims to resolve symptoms of stress, shock, and trauma that accumulate in our bodies and nervous systems. Trauma, from an SE lens, is focused on how it shows up in the nervous system and how that dysregulation impacts life. When we are stuck in patterns of fight, flight, or freeze, SE helps us release, recover, and become more resilient. It is a body-oriented therapeutic model applied in multiple professions and professional settings—psychotherapy, medicine, coaching, teaching, and physical therapy—for healing trauma and other stress disorders from a nervous system lens within a practitioner’s scope of practice. It is based on a multidisciplinary intersection of physiology, psychology, ethology, biology, neuroscience, indigenous healing practices, and medical biophysics and has been clinically applied for more than four decades. It is the life’s work of Dr. Peter A. Levine
The Benefits of Online Therapy
The ability to improve your mental health is at your fingertips. The device that you are reading this on right now can be a part of your therapy experience. Online therapy happens with ease as you only need your device and a quiet space. A benefit to doing therapy in your own home is that you know which rooms have distractions so you can pick one that is quiet and comfortable. This allows you to be in a peaceful and homey space as opposed to in-person therapy where you could be in a room where you are with unfamiliar items and things that might distract you from the conversation at hand. Another great part of online therapy is that you can choose to have a pet around you to make you feel safe and supported. Having a pet nearby is a great option so long as they aren't a distraction and take away from your therapy experience.
The Mind-Body Connection
What makes us who we are? Is it our minds and knowledge? Or is it our physical bodies and the way we look? This is a pretty basic question because I think we can all agree that the correct answer isn't either one. After all, they are so closely related to one another. There are two sides to the connection. An example of the body-to-mind connection is that certain foods we choose to put into our bodies can impact our mental state in vastly different ways. Whether we eat junk food that makes our stomach feel sick which then causes our mind to hurt from the physical pain, or if our mind is just disappointed in ourselves for eating that junk food, the result is the same.
The common threads in our humanness
Each person is different in some way. You will never encounter two people who are exactly alike. On the outside we all have differences and the way we act proves this. But if this is the case, then what actually brings us together as humans? We are genetically very similar but the connection goes much deeper than that. The common threads in our humanness are found in the specific underlying events and mannerisms we have and experience.
The Fears of Stepping into Therapy
Having someone to talk to and express your emotions to in a safe space has proven to assist with some of these issues. That being said, some people may have more specific problems weighing on them and they may be hesitant to step into therapy because they are afraid that they are “unfixable.”
The Importance of Self Compassion
Have you ever failed at something important to you? How did you feel about yourself after? Most individuals will direct the blame inward and be hard on themselves. This act negatively impacts our self-esteem and can make us feel inadequate. As humans, we often blame someone or something for the problems that occur in our lives. An alternate strategy to blaming ourselves is to take these feelings of frustration and overcome them through the technique of self-compassion.
What do I do with all of these feelings?
Emotions, what are they?
What are we supposed to do with them?
Which ones are good or bad?
Without our emotions, we can’t make decisions; we can’t decipher our dreams and visions; we can’t set proper boundaries or behave skillfully in relationships; we can’t identify our hopes or support the hopes of others, and we can’t connect to, or even find, our dearest loves.
My heartfelt thanks to you
Dear amazing human,
First of all, let me thank you for taking the time to read this little heartfelt note. As I approach my 4th year in private practice, I felt compelled to share from the depth of my heart.
The experience of being a human is certainly a wild one at times, it’s messy, it’s a bit of a roller coaster and sometimes you come up for air only to be pulled back down under just as quickly. As your therapist, I am not immune to the wild ride, I experience all of these emotions and sensations on a daily basis. There is often the perception that therapists have it all together, and they must have such great relationships. I can attest that it takes work to create those healthy boundaries and I am forever dedicated to the continued growth life has to offer us.
If I only accept the “bad” parts of me, I undeniably reject the good parts.
Several years ago, when I first entered the world of therapy, I thought to myself I will be here for a session or two maybe. I mean how much can one deny about oneself, I thought I knew myself pretty well. Anyways, come to find out that I didn’t know myself all that well. I had several protective mechanisms that prevented me from being my authentic self as well as fully confidently standing in my values.
As I meandered through relationship building with my therapist, it felt dark and lonely at times. I felt great when I was in session but the moment I left, I felt lost and like I was navigating a new version of myself that I wasn’t sure I was ready for, or quite frankly that I liked…
What I learned about trust in working with children.
I’ve worked with children for almost 20 years now, anywhere between the ages of 2 to 17 years old.
Let me tell you, children are complex beings and sometimes it’s challenging to understand the why behind their behaviours.
As a child myself, sometimes I felt invisible and unheard. That feeling is not one that sits well in my body. I hold no fault for my parents because they were genuinely doing the best they could with the skills they had, but let me say that perception is a bit…. let's just say misleading or inaccurate at the best of times.
As children are growing, they are developing their sense of self, which requires safety and trust to build.
Crisp weather & a crisp book = blissful.
Have you ever been stumped on which book to read next? Or been so excited about all the books, you have two or three on the go? Well, welcome to my world of book obsession. Here are my suggestions for Fall reading!
Anxious kids? Hypnotherapy can help them.
School is right around the corner and children, like adults, are feeling anxious for various reasons.
You might be asking yourself how can I help my child? How can I set them up for a successful school year?
Because children are more attuned to the realm of fantasy and imagination than most adults, hypnosis serves as a natural bridge between their imaginations and the real-life stressors that contribute to anxiety, depression, physical symptoms, and sleep difficulties. (Lynn Lyons, Using Hypnosis with Children).
Hypnosis is not about controlling the child’s actions, but rather guiding the child toward a better sense of self-control. Teaching a child the skill of shifting her focus, changing the way the body feels, or reacting differently to a thought or situation is what hypnosis is all about.
How does Hypnotherapy work?
Hypnosis is simply a state of focused attention and is used as a natural way to create a deep relaxation. When we are deeply relaxed our subconscious mind is more willing to take on board our goals and intentions.
Have you ever wondered if anger management classes would be beneficial for you?
What is the first thought that comes to mind when someone says: “I am taking anger management classes?”.
Maybe you are thinking that this person is physically abusive, can’t control their outbursts, has been removed from their loved ones, big burly men with lots of tattoos and the list goes on.
Online vs In office? Which is best for me?
Typically the younger generation is keen to take up online counselling but the older generation is hesitant at times. With that being said, I have a wide range of clientele that opts for online counselling.
In a fast-paced technological world, I am often asked about online counselling. Initially I steered away from it because I really thrive on face to face human connection, as most of us do.
But then all of a sudden I was left without any option and had to do online counselling.
Where else do you have avoidant behaviours in your life?
Procrastination, passive-aggressiveness and rumination: What do they have in common? They’re all things that are often done by me (or someone I know).” you will benefit from reading this post.